just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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