break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
