I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They have beer where we have blood.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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