maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
