But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
