My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
