Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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