guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
