so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
