You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
