i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
