Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize