Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
