Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
