do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
