Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
