I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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