i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
