im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
