I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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