just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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