Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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