He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
