suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a beard to bite.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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