fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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