I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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