dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
