Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
