fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
someone owes me an orgasm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
