I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The power of my boobs compel you
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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