Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
