he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
