Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
