Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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