Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
