I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
