do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
