But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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