Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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