I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
