You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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