I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She told me I should be a condom model.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
