His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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