Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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