That's intense
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
