Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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