Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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