i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
