babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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