guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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