She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
