shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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