You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
