Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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