Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
